Counter argument to the nonsense jokes saying God couldn’t be an academic

There are many instances out there where over the past twenty years this supposed joke that God could not be a good or legitimate academic due to thirteen defined reasons, of which there are variations in wording but essentially addressing the same point. I have written counter arguments to these ten points listed below, which do indeed counter act the statements in a humorous and witty manner to prove that God is indeed the one divine perfect being and surpasses any so called good or right academic. Any further witty comments you can think of to add please do.

1. He had only one publication

Not true, there are 66 publications he co-authored, which were all nicely wrapped into two single volumes of a journal with an impact factor completely beyond the Web of Knowledge’s scale.

2. It was written in Hebrew

Well, they are now available in more languages than any other publication, including several translations in English. He would have had no problem writing it in English should he have chosen to and can speak English fluently like any other world renowned academic. The trouble is, if he wrote his publications in English, the language is too improper in many instances to explain how wonderful his works are.

3. It had no references

Nonsense, in some purpose designed copies of the publications, there are cross references on every single page with each publication citing other publications in the journal and in some instances quoted text from those citations. There include also references to other publications, which didn’t qualify to be in the two limited volumes of the journal because they didn’t meet the mark but nonetheless they were useful for purposes of historical records for which another two journal volumes were created. Inevitably those publications have a lower impact factor but nonetheless they still go beyond the scale of the Web of Knowledge. There also in fact exist other citations to sources that weren’t even published because the ISBN numbers hadn’t been around to be allocated to them at the time, and so some were lost but nonetheless non published or internal written works can still be cited as they are even today.

4. It wasn’t published by a refereed journal

Indeed it wasn’t, it was an over-refereed journal! The assembly of the two special issue volumes took a long time, over 300 years to complete – much discussion and organisation was needed to include the right publications and get the text absolutely right and accurate, where many drafts were written. The publishers, like any were mortal so they had to ask him for help and inspiration to get it right.

5. Some doubt He wrote it Himself

Well, as he was a co-author, one could say he was a second author on all the publications. Now does anyone out there seriously think a second author (or any other co-author for that matter) actually do the hard job of writing and editing it? Of course not, but the second author very often inspires and dictates what is written in it, so no point in doubting he wrote it. Furthermore historically well renowned co-authors give the publications very high credibility as well as significantly high impact.

6. He may have created the world and the universe, but what has he done since?

Is there anything further to have been done, was it him who made the mistakes since? Nonetheless he did do quite a lot about the mistakes he didn’t make and four of his publications make that very clear. Furthermore the publications preceding those four gave clear indications of how those works would take place and what great impact they would have on the world. The publications succeeding make it clear what happened, which have resulted in clear cases of societal and economic impact. Finally the last publication gives very clear pointers as to what remaining great works are to come.

7. His co-operative efforts have been quite limited.

Well there’s one instance of the first great civil engineering project, which was a good co-operative example. Working together with that chap the building even floated on water and protected the world’s species when it needed to. Using one of his own submarines he was able to gain co-operation with another important messenger and transported him to the big city of Nineveh where he needed to deliver the message, even though the journey may have not been the most pleasant. He also stopped the clock at one time, so it gave a few of his friends a bit more “time”, while also he once cleared vast amounts of water where no bridges were available. His son also had quite a few extensive cooperative efforts, catered for several thousand at very low cost on some occasions and between them they have the most advanced medical expertise of all time.

8. The scientific community can’t replicate His results.

Well we already said he was divine and surpasses any academic, how dare any so called scientific community try to replicate his results as what capacity do they have to do so? Why can’t they just accept them?

9. He never got permission from the Ethics Board to use human subjects

When did he ever need insurance? Is he going to have to pay if he ever faces litigation? These are the reasons for needing an Ethics Board approval – to get insurance against any litigation. Thus this point is flawed outright.

10. When one experiment went off the rails, he tried to cover it up by drowning the subjects.

Whoever said that was his experiment? He made two perfect subjects, who by their own experimentation following devious schools of thought then violated their own boundaries from which they produced many more subjects violating their boundaries even more by further experimentation from which even more devious schools of thought emerged. The lifetime in the given earthly state of those subjects was finite due to their experimental mistakes. He was preventing the consequences of other’s devious experiments going worse than they could. Thus it was a remedy rather than a cover up.

11. Some say he had his son teach the class.

Well, many academics these days have parents who are also academics. What’s wrong with that?

12. He expelled his first two students.

Well, they did commit gross misconduct and the rules were clear from the start of the students’ lives.

13. His office hours were irregular and sometimes held on a mountain top.

Since when have academics ever had the time for office hours anyway? The one thing distinctly different about him though compared to any academic is that he is always listening and always contactable!